Since my last blog I have been doing a number of things to try and lose weight - none have worked. I have ended up with a sackful of issues I need to resolve and therein might lie the nirvana of losing weight.
To take us back to the last six months, I ended up signing up for a weight loss study in one of the major research centres which are doing a heap of great work to try and understand obesity. I wanted to participate in this study for a range of reasons:
- a form of volunteering that I am more comfortable with rather than the more direct means such as soup kitchens that involve direct interaction.
- I would end up getting everything happening in my body tested for no cost...yay!!!
- Accountability as I would need to see them fortnightly to report.
So the study started on a great note with me losing 3.5 kilos in the very first week although it was a tough week. I was working with 800 calories only and I had to have these optifast bars and follow some instructions. The idea was to ensure that I did not go beyond the 800 calories, bring my body into ketosis mode where the body would move towards taking the required energy from the fat stores which would enable the weight loss at a rapid rate.
Great and easy in theory. Just follow the instructions and it is all done. Weight loss is so easy!!
However, I did not bargain with the frustration of not keeping up with the plan. A few months ago I even decided to drop the study and with much coaxing from my husband and self introspection decided not to give up the study and see it through. Once the decision was made that I would not drop out of the study, it felt better. I now had to face the other demons the study highlighted:
- My blood pressure needed to come down. It was 160/90 or thereabouts. It has remained at these levels over the past 5 months that I am aware of and this is expert opinion after having done the 24 hour blood pressure test at 0 and 3 monthly intervals.
- I suffer from hypertension where the research team feels strongly that I need to be on blood pressure medication but my GP does not think so and would like to monitor me over the next few months before putting me on lifelong medication.
- I am on 3 days a week work only on Drs orders to deal with stress as I have been crumbling a lot lately. I am a few weeks short of beginning a mental health plan to be able to deal with stress.
- The stress I suffer from is a direct response to work where I have been feeling more and more discontented due to the absence of ethical values. As integrity is something I rate very highly, working in a workspace that lacks it is slowly eating away at me and my self esteem which when coupled with issues I am already trying to deal with - becoming healthy etc is practically killing me.
I work for public service. The place where I work is inundated with examples where people who manage to build their careers do so having these Tony Soprano like 'Godfathers' behind them. People are secretly offered secondments and these secondments extend to periods that go beyond legitimate workplace agreements. Another area of the department have recruitment based on a who you know basis. Opportunities are given to those in the special club. For those of us that aren't special - it just means to keep working head down and forget about any opportunities. Being a working mum there is the dealing with perception that you are at work just to earn the money and not to build your career. I found that slowly this was eroding my self esteem and killing me deep inside. I have been one to stand up for things where integrity is concerned. Realising that the demon is way bigger than me and that the rot is systemic and more than capable of devouring me is killing the feeling that I work for an organisation that is expected to have higher than average values. Conversely the work I do is fun and I like doing the work I am employed to do, my family life is more than averagely happy and I am so fortunate to have that. Yet, it the impact the unethical practices in my organisation have directly impacts my health.
My response to this situation has been to disengage from the entire office and bury myself in my work. I do not interact with a lot of people. I think it reached a point where I began to feel numb and started to break. Although my lovely husband recognised these signs months before I did, I only accepted that there was a problem and that all the stress was manifesting itself in decreasing the quality of my health 3 days ago.
So with the help of my lovely family, GP and research institute, I am determined to take the required steps to gain the quality of my life back. I could go on and on about my stress factors but suffice to say, the next few months of my life are going to be engaged in learning how to cope with stress, lowering my weight, being more active.
I am suddenly relieved at having the chance to do more things just for me. Nurturing and healing myself. It feels weird to have some time to myself and I am trying very hard not to feel guilty about it. More on this later.
LIFE AND FOOD PLAN..not necessarily in this order
- Clearly I still have to lose the weight. At 122 kilos I still have to lose enough weight to bringing a whole other person out of myself. That is not going to be my focus although activity and great food is. I just want to lose 6.1 kilos for the moment. Why? Coz this will be 5% of my current weight and I know that it will go a long way in making me feel so much better. While this is my ultimate aim - I am not going to focus on the number but more on the LIFESTYLE.
- The aim is also to include MEDITATION in my current plans. There have been benefits associated with meditation which I need to explore. A friend has already been going for meditation classes and has offered to take me along. So maybe that is an avenue I need to explore. Even as much as dip my toe in it and go from there.
- WALK, walk and walk...it has been known to have a lot of benefits. Continue the boxing and think of the spin classes to feel better and keep the heart rate high.
There are so many things I can aim for but I can't get rid of this feeling that even with just three aims, my plate is full and if I can just manage these without stress then I am on my way to feeling better myself. I have a great support network...my lovely husband, gorgeous daughter, friends I need to allow to help me. So here is to a healthier, happier life. Cheers
To take us back to the last six months, I ended up signing up for a weight loss study in one of the major research centres which are doing a heap of great work to try and understand obesity. I wanted to participate in this study for a range of reasons:
- a form of volunteering that I am more comfortable with rather than the more direct means such as soup kitchens that involve direct interaction.
- I would end up getting everything happening in my body tested for no cost...yay!!!
- Accountability as I would need to see them fortnightly to report.
So the study started on a great note with me losing 3.5 kilos in the very first week although it was a tough week. I was working with 800 calories only and I had to have these optifast bars and follow some instructions. The idea was to ensure that I did not go beyond the 800 calories, bring my body into ketosis mode where the body would move towards taking the required energy from the fat stores which would enable the weight loss at a rapid rate.
Great and easy in theory. Just follow the instructions and it is all done. Weight loss is so easy!!
However, I did not bargain with the frustration of not keeping up with the plan. A few months ago I even decided to drop the study and with much coaxing from my husband and self introspection decided not to give up the study and see it through. Once the decision was made that I would not drop out of the study, it felt better. I now had to face the other demons the study highlighted:
- My blood pressure needed to come down. It was 160/90 or thereabouts. It has remained at these levels over the past 5 months that I am aware of and this is expert opinion after having done the 24 hour blood pressure test at 0 and 3 monthly intervals.
- I suffer from hypertension where the research team feels strongly that I need to be on blood pressure medication but my GP does not think so and would like to monitor me over the next few months before putting me on lifelong medication.
- I am on 3 days a week work only on Drs orders to deal with stress as I have been crumbling a lot lately. I am a few weeks short of beginning a mental health plan to be able to deal with stress.
- The stress I suffer from is a direct response to work where I have been feeling more and more discontented due to the absence of ethical values. As integrity is something I rate very highly, working in a workspace that lacks it is slowly eating away at me and my self esteem which when coupled with issues I am already trying to deal with - becoming healthy etc is practically killing me.
I work for public service. The place where I work is inundated with examples where people who manage to build their careers do so having these Tony Soprano like 'Godfathers' behind them. People are secretly offered secondments and these secondments extend to periods that go beyond legitimate workplace agreements. Another area of the department have recruitment based on a who you know basis. Opportunities are given to those in the special club. For those of us that aren't special - it just means to keep working head down and forget about any opportunities. Being a working mum there is the dealing with perception that you are at work just to earn the money and not to build your career. I found that slowly this was eroding my self esteem and killing me deep inside. I have been one to stand up for things where integrity is concerned. Realising that the demon is way bigger than me and that the rot is systemic and more than capable of devouring me is killing the feeling that I work for an organisation that is expected to have higher than average values. Conversely the work I do is fun and I like doing the work I am employed to do, my family life is more than averagely happy and I am so fortunate to have that. Yet, it the impact the unethical practices in my organisation have directly impacts my health.
My response to this situation has been to disengage from the entire office and bury myself in my work. I do not interact with a lot of people. I think it reached a point where I began to feel numb and started to break. Although my lovely husband recognised these signs months before I did, I only accepted that there was a problem and that all the stress was manifesting itself in decreasing the quality of my health 3 days ago.
So with the help of my lovely family, GP and research institute, I am determined to take the required steps to gain the quality of my life back. I could go on and on about my stress factors but suffice to say, the next few months of my life are going to be engaged in learning how to cope with stress, lowering my weight, being more active.
I am suddenly relieved at having the chance to do more things just for me. Nurturing and healing myself. It feels weird to have some time to myself and I am trying very hard not to feel guilty about it. More on this later.
LIFE AND FOOD PLAN..not necessarily in this order
- Clearly I still have to lose the weight. At 122 kilos I still have to lose enough weight to bringing a whole other person out of myself. That is not going to be my focus although activity and great food is. I just want to lose 6.1 kilos for the moment. Why? Coz this will be 5% of my current weight and I know that it will go a long way in making me feel so much better. While this is my ultimate aim - I am not going to focus on the number but more on the LIFESTYLE.
- The aim is also to include MEDITATION in my current plans. There have been benefits associated with meditation which I need to explore. A friend has already been going for meditation classes and has offered to take me along. So maybe that is an avenue I need to explore. Even as much as dip my toe in it and go from there.
- WALK, walk and walk...it has been known to have a lot of benefits. Continue the boxing and think of the spin classes to feel better and keep the heart rate high.
There are so many things I can aim for but I can't get rid of this feeling that even with just three aims, my plate is full and if I can just manage these without stress then I am on my way to feeling better myself. I have a great support network...my lovely husband, gorgeous daughter, friends I need to allow to help me. So here is to a healthier, happier life. Cheers
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