The last 5 weeks have been very very interesting. I learned a lot of things about myself and my body, some of which I am still going to investigate further. Essentially in the last five weeks there have been a number of changes happening around me and below are my ramblings on the facts and feelings of the last five weeks.
THE FACTS
- I went sugar free for 11 days - a record for me as my previous best was 4 days.
- I am looking for a new job. I think I need to rustle up some changes
- Although I do not lose my job, I have been transferred to another work area as my work area is closing.
- I went on holiday and enjoyed taking time out; but while on holiday learned that:
- My uncle is dying of cancer and has been given only 3-4 months to live.
- My parents will not be coming over to visit me as my uncle (mums brother) is dying.
- I am getting a range of blood tests to figure out liver function, thyroid etc as it is time this was done.
- I have gone back to sugar and feel yucky
- I am participating as a volunteer in a study which will investigate the effects of exercise training on outcomes for obese individuals following a very calorie controlled diet.
Gee when I look back at the five weeks in the dot points above - it does seem like it has been rather full on doesn't it?
THE FEELINGS
Sugar
- Going sugar free was great. I cancelled all the obvious foods such as cakes, biscuits etc but also anything with fructose so no fruits or any foods where sugar or fructose was listed as an ingredient. Weirdly, I felt really good. I did not get any sugar cravings at all. This to me was a surprise. I expected a number of things - mainly a sense of deprivation, cravings, headaches, dizziness and everything in between. I did not feel any of these things. I felt calm and in control. Unfortunately, my stumbling block occurred when I was out with the girls on a posh dinner out. Everyone had dessert and I felt like there was this peer pressure to have dessert too as we do not go out often and it was for me the first time I had gone out like this with the girls.So it was here that I broke the sugar free goal of 12 weeks and no sugar. I was disappointed in myself and as a reaction to the no sugar rule, I went on a sort of rampage during my five day holiday eating everything in between from chocolate to ice cream and all. Apart from the rum and raisin ice-cream I had, I did not enjoy any of the chocolate I had AT ALL. This is a surprise. We also stopped at a place where they handcrafted chocolate and although I bought 2 pieces for me, I did not really enjoy it at all. Is my palate changing? I also learned that habits that are formed over many many years tend to very easily fall back on old habits when they do not get conscious direction. Often they are not because one enjoys the taste or the flavour but due to lack of active mind-brain engagement. That's what I think anyway because I know I was relaxed and out of my usual environment where I try and plan everything and in particular meals. I also know that I was thinking of other things linked to the holiday - feeling annoyed with myself for giving up on the sugar, a little anxiety over the new job, sad about my uncles terminal illness, sad about his family and wondering how my mum would cope particularly as he is only 57 years old and should have been more aware and got tested at the right time.I am missing being sugar free and I think I will have to work on a more sustainable sugar-free strategy where if I have had to cave into peer pressure it does not have to mean the end but can be incorporated into the one or two sugar allowances in a month or so. I don't know the finer details of my sugar free strategy yet but watch this space.
The blood tests
Getting my blood tests happened quite by chance. I took my daughter to the GP as she was not well and after sorting her out, he asked me casually how I was going. I mentioned how I was battling to lose weight and not being very successful in changing the numbers on the machine although my body looked heaps better than a year ago. He suggested we get a test etc and go from there. It has been at least 3 years since I last got my bloods done and so I thought it was a good idea. Now that I have the script in my hand I am a little bit anxious. It is scary and I want it to come clear and sorted. Part of me is delaying it just that bit although I have given myself the deadline that next Thursday is when I will get it done at the very latest. So here goes.One of the things the GP suggested was also that I needed to up the cardio and lessen the working with weights. I agree with the up the cardio bit as I know I do not do enough cardio, however I disagree with the lose the weights or reduce the weights thing. So I have decided to up the cardio and stay with the weights. I am thinking of ways in which I can do my exercise post the gym as once this pay period (which I think will end in feb) ends I will not renew. At $90 a week, it is becoming a little steep and I think I could find classes to go to once or twice a week closer to home.
Volunteer
My husband came across the advert for volunteering by a prestigious research institute and suggested I participate. I have got in touch with them and we are in process of establishing whether I can or cannot volunteer. I believe I will be able to as they seem rather keen. I am waiting to hear back as we have been missing each other on phone. I will find out more details before I agree to participate as one of the groups is also going to function on low calorie diet and the other on exercise. I am not a big fan of low calorie diet as I just do not see the benefits having been there and done that in which case I will pass. I am keen to know more and make my decision from thereon. So another watch this space item.
New changes
There are changes I am planning on which will hopefully carry us through to the new year and we will decide what needs to be done from thereon. I love good healthy food and I am now determined to put up a salad every day this summer for each meal. This I believe will be kind to the taste buds and health. My daughter it is pleasing to see does not seem to care for fried stuff and we seem to be raising a healthy little girl who loves being active and the outdoors.
I also want to focus on being kind to myself. I am always more critical to myself and I want to stop. I am tired of running myself down and focus on what I cannot do or failed to do instead of what I can do and am good at doing. Stress I am learning is what I do well and I need to change it as it is not good for my family's and my health. I have to be more grateful for what I do have - a fantastic husband and a lovely little girl. So the next few weeks for this year will focus on eating well, working well and enjoying our little family.
I will try and get a post in before the new year but if not - merry Christmas and a very happy new year.
