I am now an outcast from the mothers group.
Although this blog is supposed to be the record of my health journey, I am also a bit puzzled with the happenings of the mothers group I was/am a part of and hence decided to pour it in here. I am still making sense of the mothers' group and although I am not depressed by the happenings, it certainly brings to the fore, the politicking that goes on in the mothers' groups.
Ever since my daughter was born, my husband and I resolved that we would focus on a healthy food and activity lifestyle for our daughter. I am pleased to say that we think that we have done well over the past 3 years. Our daughter eats exceedingly well, does not know chocolate or juices and only has a piece of cake when it is someones birthday at childcare or if I am baking at home (which is not often). The results have been amazing. Instead of going to the chockie aisle in the supermarket, she heads for the punnets of cherry tomatoes, blueberries, carrots...which I am more than happy to buy for her whatever the cost. Her TV watching is also very closely monitored and from not being allowed to watch any TV, she is now allowed to watch 15-20 mins a day. We try and spend time being active and getting her out of the house than creating a couch potato. She helps me cook, is engaged in gardening, peeling garlic and knows textures and tastes..and all of this is by including her in the better part of me. She loves it all and is hungry for more exposure to activities and good foods. As a result, she is doing very well according to each of her check ups by the maternal child-case nurses.
However, this also became the cause for some alienation within the mothers group. When I was on maternity leave, she never ate from pre-cooked baby food and everything was made at home. While I do not judge people who chose to feed their kids food from jars, I chose not to because it was something I was not familiar with, bought one, tasted it and thought it was disgusting and decided not to, and also because my journey with my own weight made good food a personal journey and one that I wanted to get right with my child.
Going back to work full-time made another cause for subtle exclusion. I found that I was a better mother because I went to work. Although I love being a mother, I find that I enjoy my little ones company so much and love playing with her, goosing around with her, laughing with her and taking in her wonderful company because I work full time. I basically do 5 days work in 4 days and get to hang out with her over a week day and weekend. She goes to childcare 3 days and hubby does the same and hangs with her one week day besides the weekend. We have a new mortgage, no family or cousins to rely on and although the pressure is on, I happen to think that we do pretty darn well. Acknowledging that I love being a working mum put another spanner in the works.I think the position that I love working and being the mother cast a judgement upon me as to how dare I give the same importance to work as to my child. So much for independent women - who give no support to their counterparts in the workforce and make cries for equality.
I think I realised that there was this envy when my daughter was very little. Most of the mothers in the group had kids that did not sleep well at night whereas mine did, she always ate good food and was generally the happiest kid while most of the other kids ate lollies and burgers very early on. Then the comparisons began to fly. Phrases began to start with, I know your daughter sleeps through the night but.......; I know your daughter doesn't eat lollies but.......; I know your daughter is not allowed to watch TV but......... I think it reached a point where I just stopped talking about her because I wondered if I was talking her up more than the other kids....I see that the gradual alienation began there. The rest began when a mother was caught out lying and she began to feel uncomfortable around me. This seemed to set the tone for the other to follow suit. So now, I find that lack of response from the others a tad confusing and childish, not to mention off-putting.
this is just my rant for the day. There is also the element of group dynamics which I will explain in another blog at another time. I just felt the need get this out there because it is amazing how a herd can function. And for all the mothers out there who are trying to do the right thing for their children, sometimes there can be a social price to pay for ensuring your child's well-being, simply because others' may not be able to do so and might feel lesser and resentful for it. My take on it is simply, if they ain't gonna support well-being and feel competitive about it, it's best to leave them behind and forge on ahead. I know the importance of my child's well-being and will always prioritise it over any petty politicking. I simply refuse to keep up with the Joneses by giving my child crappy food, habits and behaviour. It just means more time to spend with her doing fun stuff.
Although this blog is supposed to be the record of my health journey, I am also a bit puzzled with the happenings of the mothers group I was/am a part of and hence decided to pour it in here. I am still making sense of the mothers' group and although I am not depressed by the happenings, it certainly brings to the fore, the politicking that goes on in the mothers' groups.
Ever since my daughter was born, my husband and I resolved that we would focus on a healthy food and activity lifestyle for our daughter. I am pleased to say that we think that we have done well over the past 3 years. Our daughter eats exceedingly well, does not know chocolate or juices and only has a piece of cake when it is someones birthday at childcare or if I am baking at home (which is not often). The results have been amazing. Instead of going to the chockie aisle in the supermarket, she heads for the punnets of cherry tomatoes, blueberries, carrots...which I am more than happy to buy for her whatever the cost. Her TV watching is also very closely monitored and from not being allowed to watch any TV, she is now allowed to watch 15-20 mins a day. We try and spend time being active and getting her out of the house than creating a couch potato. She helps me cook, is engaged in gardening, peeling garlic and knows textures and tastes..and all of this is by including her in the better part of me. She loves it all and is hungry for more exposure to activities and good foods. As a result, she is doing very well according to each of her check ups by the maternal child-case nurses.
However, this also became the cause for some alienation within the mothers group. When I was on maternity leave, she never ate from pre-cooked baby food and everything was made at home. While I do not judge people who chose to feed their kids food from jars, I chose not to because it was something I was not familiar with, bought one, tasted it and thought it was disgusting and decided not to, and also because my journey with my own weight made good food a personal journey and one that I wanted to get right with my child.
Going back to work full-time made another cause for subtle exclusion. I found that I was a better mother because I went to work. Although I love being a mother, I find that I enjoy my little ones company so much and love playing with her, goosing around with her, laughing with her and taking in her wonderful company because I work full time. I basically do 5 days work in 4 days and get to hang out with her over a week day and weekend. She goes to childcare 3 days and hubby does the same and hangs with her one week day besides the weekend. We have a new mortgage, no family or cousins to rely on and although the pressure is on, I happen to think that we do pretty darn well. Acknowledging that I love being a working mum put another spanner in the works.I think the position that I love working and being the mother cast a judgement upon me as to how dare I give the same importance to work as to my child. So much for independent women - who give no support to their counterparts in the workforce and make cries for equality.
I think I realised that there was this envy when my daughter was very little. Most of the mothers in the group had kids that did not sleep well at night whereas mine did, she always ate good food and was generally the happiest kid while most of the other kids ate lollies and burgers very early on. Then the comparisons began to fly. Phrases began to start with, I know your daughter sleeps through the night but.......; I know your daughter doesn't eat lollies but.......; I know your daughter is not allowed to watch TV but......... I think it reached a point where I just stopped talking about her because I wondered if I was talking her up more than the other kids....I see that the gradual alienation began there. The rest began when a mother was caught out lying and she began to feel uncomfortable around me. This seemed to set the tone for the other to follow suit. So now, I find that lack of response from the others a tad confusing and childish, not to mention off-putting.
this is just my rant for the day. There is also the element of group dynamics which I will explain in another blog at another time. I just felt the need get this out there because it is amazing how a herd can function. And for all the mothers out there who are trying to do the right thing for their children, sometimes there can be a social price to pay for ensuring your child's well-being, simply because others' may not be able to do so and might feel lesser and resentful for it. My take on it is simply, if they ain't gonna support well-being and feel competitive about it, it's best to leave them behind and forge on ahead. I know the importance of my child's well-being and will always prioritise it over any petty politicking. I simply refuse to keep up with the Joneses by giving my child crappy food, habits and behaviour. It just means more time to spend with her doing fun stuff.
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