Slightly behind posts and feeling fat and all

The highlights of what I have not done since I last wrote is as follows
 - catch up on blogs
 - weigh in
 - Falling down down and down

I feel fat - my tummy hangs...I wobble...I feel like a whale...I failed  the sugar addictions challenge and have to start again and am getting fed up of trying again and again and again. I have identified that I have an addiction to sugar and a fear of success too. The moment I have a good week or two I automatically go into self-sabotage mode. I feel as though someone else - another force perhaps is controlling me. This coupled with a deep belief that I cannot succeed all serve to repeatedly lead me to failure.

I have identified that all these are habits which have 'concretised' (if that is a word) over a period of years. I refuse to pay gyms any more moolah as it seems as though until I do not get my arse together it is all pointless. My gorgeous husband has reassured me over and over again. He wants to support me in all my goals and aspirations and if I want to be healthy he will mroe than happily join the bandwagon as he wants me to stick around till we are both old pensioners and not leave him high and dry. He has a point. At the rate at which I am going I think I might leave him well before I can take long service leave, leave aside reaching pensionable age.

I am going to have to kiss sugar goodbye as this seems to be my very downfall.  I have a gorgeous 5 month old daughter and a fantastically unreal partner. He has also gone off sugar to support me and he so does not need to. I don't know what else he could do to show his support for me. Not once has the man stopped me from spending money on anything related to health and fitness, lost his patience, and he has more faith in me that I do in myself. We have learnt a lot about health and nutrition along the way but the one thing constant in my life has been my weight.

My weight has not gone down and largely due to my eating secretly. Chocolates in particular actually. Some people tell me that I am lucky as my only vice is sugar (well chocolates really) and not everything else on top of chocolate such as chips and dips, fast foods, eating out regularly etc. Well I do think I might be lucky in that area I suppose and should probably make the most of it and cease the one thing letting me down and see what happens.

Whilst recognising that I have a habit issue which has been perfected over the years, like an alocholic I must now say enough is enough. I am not about to sit here in this blog and write out yet another motivational sage only to return with my tail between my legs a couple of weeks later licking my wounds. All I will say is I intend to report every Monday. Period.

Until then keep trying and health to all. Cheers