Little Victories Here And There

This week has been an interesting one. On the one hand I have not walked as much as has been prescribed but then on the other hand I have thus far (and it is only wed) been consistent. I had a major victory today when I went to coles to buy some oatmilk. I found that I ended up in the chocolate aisle as the milks were kept opposite the chockies....Bastards!! Of course I wasn't expecting this as in the past I had only ever gone directly to the chockies and so how did I know that the milk was kept opposite the chockie aisle?


Anyway, I noticed that the cadbury family bar was on special - my very personal favourite - The chocolate mousse.Buy 2 for $6. Oh the offer was too hard to resist. I promptly grabbed two and started to quickly also grab the milk. I walked the aisles thinking of what to do next. Then the negotiations began. I wondered if I could buy something else which would in my head replace "LE STASH". I thought of some hot chocolate sachets - caramel flavoured too and grabbed those. The there was this eternal battle between Coles caramel hot shocolate sachets and the Cadburys Mousse - the Mousse was winning hands down. I walked another few aisles and saw some frozen raspberries on special. It then dawned on me that I had always done what was happening right now. Bargained that I would eat the TWO CHOCOLATE FAMILY BARS once only and then be serious about eating well. My way had not worked and this was all about working WITH my psychologist and naturopath and NOT AGAINST.


So I am proud to report that I put back the chocolate and the hot choc sachets and instead grabbed four 500 gm packets of frozen raspberries in my trolley. I negotiated that at least till the 31 of Jan when I have my appointment with my psychologist and my naturopath I will play good. Again I can onnly take each day as it comes and I know with one good day comes 2 or 3 difficult ones. In retrospect I was very very proud of myself. I felt that this was one of the first times where I decided I would not have it without considering guilt. Usually whenever I have put back chocolate it has been a result of battling with guilt. This was different. It basically acknowledged that I was feeling the need to have the chocolate but also reasoned that it was not a priority and that I would see what I could replace it to take care of the need to eat it. I noticed it was not even a craving. It was just plain and simple the desire to eat the chocolate and nothing more. 

On a serious note, I could not help thinking about ETHICS. Australia is the fattest nation in the developed world. I am one of the fatties that contribute to this epidemic. Why is it ethical to place milk, an item of daily consumption opposite the chocolates? Where is the social responsibility of an organisation? Or is it simply enough for Coles to donate money to a non-profit organisation at the cost of hard core heartless advertising? I am not singling out Coles as this is the way each business works. All I can do in my own small way is to make the choice to stop buying milk from Coles as it lies across from the chocolates. I want my daughter to see cheese, eggs, vegetables and fruit 90% of the time when I go to the shops not chocolate each time I buy milk? I will not contribute to 'training' my daughter to notice the chocolates while she accompnies me to buy a basic necessity - milk. I will simply go off to Aldi where this is not the case and the milk sits along with the cheeses and yoghurts. I simply do not want the health heartache and frustrations of weight for my daughter. While I admit I cannot protect her forever and neither do I want to, BUT all I want is for her to grow up learning that while chocolates are tasty and fun, they are to be enjoyed seldom and not daily. Veering off slightly, she loves her natural yoghurt and all her meals are cooked at home. I will devote another blog to all of this but it seems like I am fast getting onto a bandwagon and before I go flying I'd best get off and get some food to eat - Im famished.

Challenge upon challenge

Since my last post things have been rather challenging. I don't know whether this is what usually happens whenever a new endeavour commences and one is challenged by the same things one is trying to be strong about such as when one is looking to eat healthy one is confronted on a daily basis with chocolates and sweets from nowhere and if one isnt seeking them then they come finding you at home!
Since my last visit to the naturopath, I was given some thyroid pills, b complex and chromium to combat my sweet eating'ness'. Around the same time I also started experiencing daily headaches and nausea which might be a coincidence or the pills simply do not suit me - I suspect it might be the thyroid pills as I have not reacted to either B complex or chromium previously. Result: I have stopped taking them all until I meet with the naturopath today. The other thing that has fallen by the wayside as a result of this sickness or feeling under the weather'ness' is that I have only been able to stomach home baked bread with jam or just a banana. Given that the n'path advised me that I was to eat carb in the morning only (porridge), this has obviously not occurred and so I have continued eating bread whenever I could stomach some form of food. I have also not been able to go for 50 min exercise as recommended by the naturopath due to the above. However, I have dropped a wee bit of weight to 120.6 kilos but I do not think it an achievement of any sort as this has had nothing to do with me putting in any effort whatsoever. I would rather feel better and go for a walk, eat fruit and veg and then lose some weight.
As for the psychologist, I have been naughty and have not written down what I did try and avoid in terms of sweet foods as she had requested which is bad as I do pay a shitload of moolah for her to work on my head and really should be doing my homework. Note to self: do homework given by naturopath and psychologist. I have made an appointment with the GP to ask what her opinion is on the pills I have been given as hubbys research reckons that what I went through were most likely side effects of the thyroid pills and it might be an idea to get a blood test to check out thyroid once again (although with the naturopath saying 60% of people who get their blood tested for thyroid it does not show up.....should ask more about this today as I am a bit confused).
On an interesting note, I passed by a 7/11 yesterday and decided that just coz I used to I would buy junk and fill my face - in some twisted way I believed that I was feeling unwell coz I had not eaten junk for days and this would get me back to feeling 100% and that my body was reacting to not getting its usual dose of sugar. I felt sick in the gut and could not even eat dinner and so I now know that sweet abuse is definitely not the cure for my malady
CONTD TODAY 15/01/12
Post visit from the maturopath and psychologist, we have decided to meet again on 31/01/12 and go from there seeing I did not follow a lot of the stuff related to eating due to my sickness. So I am trying hard to work on sorting out my food and also exercise a bit more. I have not been able to exercise as I just feel that the degree of my unfit state is at a level it has never been before - I get tired too easily and I know the whole point of being fit is to start somewhere - anywhere and then slowly work on the self. But I will definitely do so tomorrow seeing it is already the end of today. Hubby bought me a lovely bicycle and seeing I will be back to work shortly it will be a good tool to get the cycling out of the way by cycling to work and back. It is weird but there has been such a loss of confidence in not exercising that it feels daunting even to get to the first form of fitness activity, even just walking. So goal for the week is to work more seriously on exercising and get the 5 days a week 50 mins of exercise. I will report back to let you know how I go. I know I can do it. I have meanwhile decides that I will go carbless post breakfast just to test the naturopaths theory.  I think the clincher was my psych telling me that I did not need to think of it in terms of lifetime of deprivation but just as an experiment which could be subject to some tweaking if required. That alone made it sound better. Also the second thing is lets face it, whatever I have done in the past decade has not really worked so I have decided to just place myself in the hands of people who I believe will have my best interests at heart and then go from there. My weight has not moved and I am still at 120.6kg. I will not put the pressure of failure upon myself and I think it is great that I have not gone up but am steady. I am sure walking will make me healthier. I want to think positive and just be my ally and not a foe. I am a hard taskmaster and do not give myself the credit for anything. I know I am on the right track and so let the journey continue and I will focus on small goals. My next goal is to break the 20's and get to the 19's and I am only 601 gms from getting there.

Consistency and its challenges, shocks and all

I know in my last post I extolled on the many virtues of consistency and its advantages and rah rah rah but since then I have had a rather difficult week and there have been some wins and losses. When I last visited my psychologist, she gave me something to work with and said that I was to say no to sweet foods until we met again and we are meeting on Jan 10th which for me was a long long time away. Meanwhile I also met up with a naturopath recommended by the psychologist. The naturopath straightaway said that I was low on Vit B and also put me onto chromium and SFM - a thyroid and adrenal gland thing.

I am now working with the psychologist and naturopath on my weight issues. The naturopath is of the view that I need to move my booty at least 50 mins 5 days a week and that I need to basically eat my carb in the morning only and this means no white stuff after brekkie. This shocked me as although I am not into copious amounts of white stuff (says me who has not been keepingh er food diary for months), I am concerned that while the weight might come off, will it also come back with renewed vigour once I do have some white stuff. I am still not 100% sure about this logic and am reading up more and more on this. Then there is the doubt of will I really really be able to eat no carb but the usual morning oats for months on end? I keep hearing this inner voice saying that this is unrealistic. So here is what I am going to do. I will eat some white stuff but never for dinner. If I do eat rice or any carb it will only be on days I move my booty for at least 50 mins. Breaking it down this way has made it just that little bit achievable.

Since I met the naturopath it has been bloody hot and I have tripped twice and hurt my ankle and basically have not ended up going for 50 min exercise, nor have I given up carbs. As far as my sugar addiction is doing, I did really well until yesterday. I think saying no to chocolate all the time during this Christmas period has done my head in. Having said that, until yesterday, I had felt no sense of deprivation when I said no to sweets. I was beginning to feel more and more proud of myself for empowering myself. I think I began to respect sugar for the power it could have and myself for controlling that and empowering myself to say no. However, yesterday I was challenged and I failed. There was some yummy Xmas cake a friend brought along and I had been eying it but did not touch it and then yesterday I took a piece and then another and also 2 pieces of Indian sweets which a friend packed for us. Today I had another piece of cake and also one last piece of the Indian sweet.

Although I was hormonally challenged during this time, I will take all responsibility and pat myself on the back for taking charge quickly. Although I have fallen, I know that I will rise again, brush the cake crumbs off my face and basically not touch this cake again. On Friday when hubby has the afternoon tea at his office I will basically ask him to take it in to work. I might as well distribute the calories instead of accumulating them all. I will also go for my walk tomorrow. So as it is going to be a 40 degree day, I think it will be best to go for the walk at 5.30am when the little one wakes up instead of waiting for the sun to heat my body up. So note to self tonight: Get the walking app working and ready to fire on my iphone to measure the calories, distance and time and all. Weigh in and don't berate self if I have put on. It was hormones and new year and all and considering the circumstances I did better than the MOI of old. 

I will be well prepared notes and all for my meeting with the psychologist and naturopath - both of whom I meet on Jan 10th. Meanwhile weight has come down to 121.2 - a small increase but ready for a weigh in on the 8th of Jan.

Goals for the week:

• Drink more water
• Move the booty 5 times a week for 50 mins
• No carb for dinner
• No sugar

Best of luck all

Consistency....making a habit of it

A lot of the losing weight and for that matter achieving anything is all about doing the same thing over and over - in other words CONSISTENCY. If I were to put together all the effort I have put into my battle with weight instead of all the stops and starts and breaks - I can bet my bottom dollar there would be no one healthier than moi!

I am aiming to be consistent and not be results driven to a manic point. An example is when my psychologist suggested to me to try and fight my desire to eat sugar until our next appointment. I started great but then on days 3 and 4 I ate chocolate and then some ice cream and then some more. My report to the psychologist was that I had failed, although she saw it as a little victory that I did not eat sugar for all of the 10 days. Indeed her advice was to cut myself some slack. Lesson learnt. I need to take one day at a time and then - who knows if I do eat sugar then I need to move on and simply do better right after instead of wallowing and then deciding that I might as well have the lot as I have failed in my own eyes. The only day where I have decided I will not think of sugar is xmas day. I know I will have a mince pie but other than that there arent any plans to have a sugar overload. It is something I have planned and decided I will do. If I do not WANT to have the mince pie, I will not. Our Christmas menu reads something like fruity muesli for breakfast, Xmas lunch is a prawn platter, waldorf salad and watermelon and mint - and possibly roast chicken and also possibly some mulled wine. No heavy duty sauces or creamy pies. It is likely to be a hot day so I am quite happy to do a healthy Christmas meal and feel happy thank you very much :)

Another thing that I am doing is that I have come to a blanket agreement with my husband that we will not get anything sweet in the house. That way I do not have to come to any decisions. Mind you I did buy 2 jars of jam but they are going straight to my husbands work for his morning tea. I actually forgot about the blanket agreement we had and thought it was a good deal when we bought it. Now thats good money spent and so it will simply mean the jars have to be spirited away.

Coming back to consistency, when I read blogs where people have lost weight (and stacks of it I might add) and of those (myself included) that haven't, the one recurring difference between both groups really boils down to consistency. Therefore, I do not need to reinvent the wheel - all I need to do is think of ways of how I can be consistent and commit to it. Having said that, I am not planning to do a weight in this weekend just to get my head into gear and also spend time preparing my spreadsheets for measuring weight and centimetres. I still have to learn how to have all those gizmo things on blogs like in a lot of blogs I see.

However, in the spirit of the season - merry xmas all and cheers to new beginnings xoxox

Reporting after one week

Righty o' reports post week one as follows:

Weight 120.6 improvement of .600 gms
Hips 140.6 improvement of 5cms
Waist 117.7 improvement of 3cms
Neck 39.9 improvement of 6cms

My thoughts on the progress:
Overall I am happy with the progress. I was not super strict and my walks have to increase in distance other than the usual 2 kms. Sugar consumption has to come down although it is hugely better than it used to be where a family bar of chocolate was usually no challenge at all. Mentally I have been in a happier place. It might be due to the one visit I have had with the psychologist - not that she worked miracles but more because I quite liked talking to a complete stranger who listened and asked questions as a natural flow type of thing rather than feeling I was on the proverbial couch as they show in movies.

Sessions will continue with the psychologist and we will see where I go. Until then be healthy

A New Year round the corner

Although I do not believe in making new year resolutions (having flopped miserably at so many of them), there is something to be said for new beginnings that I am a big fan of and if the association coincides with a new week, month or year, I don't really mind.

Anyhoo I had outlined 2011 as a year of self repair and so I have had a baby, an ankle reconstruction, visits to a psychologist to deal with my sugar addiction and now that the year is almost at an end, I thought it might be time to draw up another list of what I would like to do in 2012 seeing all of the above were accomplished. These plans are not in order of preference

2012 PLANS

BODY

• Lose 30 Kilos.
• Try and minimise sugar to no more than half a cup a month and then working towards gradually ending its existence in our lives.
• Make exercise a part of daily life and not think of it as a punishment or a chore.
• Cycle 100km in 2012

MIND

• Work on self confidence and standing up for myself - if someone is rude then let them know it. 

SPIRIT

• Enjoy life and each day valuing my gorgeous husband and lovely child and thanking the powers that be for their existence in my life.
• Try and meditate once a week

I think I will see Dec as the month I started. I don't want to wait for Jan as I have often been there and done that and all it ever is is an excuse to eat madly till the starters gun goes on 01 Jan, 2012. I just want to eat normal, close to home cooked food and essentially food for life.

Meanwhile the cold hard facts:

Weight: 122.2 kg

Measurements: 

 Hips 141.1cm

Waist 118 cm

Neck Circum 40.5cm

There is a great app on my iphone called 'MyNetDiary' which is free (I am a sucker for free apps). One can log all measurements etc on this app. There is also a section where one can log in the food etc which I am not doing as I am still new to this app and just want to keep a record of my weight essentially. But it is there for those that need it.

I am planning on measuring myself weekly and will go from there. My goal for Dec is to go for a walk everyday for an hour starting tomorrow.Meanwhile I will think of things like gyms etc for the following months. Lets see. I just need to focus on moving and eating better and of course doing what the psych has asked me to do - write about me eating sugar when I eat it and I have not done it. I have to complete this tonight. But it is 7.15pm and I need to cook - hubby is back and putting little one to sleep - I gotta run :) - Be healthy all!!

117.8 and still counting

I am continuing unabated from bad to worse. Today I baked brownies for my husbands office and ended up having a few pieces all on my own. Being laid up with the ankle and of course my food guzzling has meant another increase in weight to 117.8 kilos. In my head, I have this devilish mantra that says "since i cannot move anywhere out of the home then I might as well eat and I will lose all this weight once I can move (as if this approach has worked before)". I am getting more and more tired about all these excuses which I have relied upon before. This is getting scary particularly as it is getting closer and closer to my all time heaviest of 126kilos and I do not want to get there.

I will now plan my meals and try and stick to them. I do not want to put a lot of pressure on myself as this only makes it worse but I do want to have a think about what I am going to eat the next day and plan my day in advance so I know where I am headed. It is also not going to be essential for me to eat all that has been planned coz if I am not hungry then I will not eat it and also all timings are sort of flexible apart from dinner where I want to finish all meals by 7pm and my glass of milk by 8 at the latest.

Breakfast
Oats with oatmilk, half a pear and one strawberry and a cuppa tea

Mid morning
One apple
one cup coffee and one orange

Lunch
One slice bread
Omelette with tuna
Salad: cos lettuce, tomato, 3 olives, low fat feta cheese

Midafternoon
2 mandarins and a cuppa tea

Dinner
Kangaroo and half a piece of bread with salad

Water: 2 litres.

It annoys me when

It annoys me when people that have never had an issue with weight try and dish out advice about weight. For instance a family friend Mary (lets call her that anyway), a skinny waif (size 8) of a girl who has never had a weight issue ever or anything even remotely close to it. A few weeks ago we had a chat where she quite easily said it was unfortunate that I would never ever be able to lose weight as it was all about genes and with my genes this was impossible for me to lose weight!

A part of me wanted to punch her to bits in that instant - but then given that I do not consider myself a violent person, I merely punched her in my dreams and have since not bothered keeping in touch with her and the negative energy she brings. The point I am trying to make is that it really shits me when people like Mary and her ilk can make a statement like that particularly when they do not have enough knowledge of health and fitness nor any level of informed judgement before making one so easily. Then there is this other part of me that feels frustrated within myself for basically being a shining beacon of proof for her statement when all I want to do is to slap her face with proving her (and dimwits like her) wrong.

Anyway, that was my gripe of the day. News on this front is not good. I am now 116.5kilos which I have not been in a long long time. I am off sugar again and so will have to see how I go. I also have found out that I have to have an ankle reconstruction due to a 20 year old ankle injury which noone has managed to pick up thus far. So tomorrow I am meeting the surgeon and so lets see from there how I go and when we are to have this reconstruction. Yet another day where I will get told that I need to watch my weight and so on as the surgeon I am going to treats footy stars and all the super super athletes.

Fiddlingwithfit: Slightly behind posts and feeling fat and all

Fiddlingwithfit: Slightly behind posts and feeling fat and all

Slightly behind posts and feeling fat and all

The highlights of what I have not done since I last wrote is as follows
 - catch up on blogs
 - weigh in
 - Falling down down and down

I feel fat - my tummy hangs...I wobble...I feel like a whale...I failed  the sugar addictions challenge and have to start again and am getting fed up of trying again and again and again. I have identified that I have an addiction to sugar and a fear of success too. The moment I have a good week or two I automatically go into self-sabotage mode. I feel as though someone else - another force perhaps is controlling me. This coupled with a deep belief that I cannot succeed all serve to repeatedly lead me to failure.

I have identified that all these are habits which have 'concretised' (if that is a word) over a period of years. I refuse to pay gyms any more moolah as it seems as though until I do not get my arse together it is all pointless. My gorgeous husband has reassured me over and over again. He wants to support me in all my goals and aspirations and if I want to be healthy he will mroe than happily join the bandwagon as he wants me to stick around till we are both old pensioners and not leave him high and dry. He has a point. At the rate at which I am going I think I might leave him well before I can take long service leave, leave aside reaching pensionable age.

I am going to have to kiss sugar goodbye as this seems to be my very downfall.  I have a gorgeous 5 month old daughter and a fantastically unreal partner. He has also gone off sugar to support me and he so does not need to. I don't know what else he could do to show his support for me. Not once has the man stopped me from spending money on anything related to health and fitness, lost his patience, and he has more faith in me that I do in myself. We have learnt a lot about health and nutrition along the way but the one thing constant in my life has been my weight.

My weight has not gone down and largely due to my eating secretly. Chocolates in particular actually. Some people tell me that I am lucky as my only vice is sugar (well chocolates really) and not everything else on top of chocolate such as chips and dips, fast foods, eating out regularly etc. Well I do think I might be lucky in that area I suppose and should probably make the most of it and cease the one thing letting me down and see what happens.

Whilst recognising that I have a habit issue which has been perfected over the years, like an alocholic I must now say enough is enough. I am not about to sit here in this blog and write out yet another motivational sage only to return with my tail between my legs a couple of weeks later licking my wounds. All I will say is I intend to report every Monday. Period.

Until then keep trying and health to all. Cheers

Seek and Ye Shall Find

I started my sugar free existence with some rules last week. It was difficult even though I had decided that on Sunday afternoons I would eat any sweets of choice. I did not think of this as rewarding myself but merely to discipline myself into planning before I ate any sweets. This way I would automatically not have anything sugary during the week as it had not been planned for and if I did then it meant I was a long way off making a change in life.

The 4 days until Sunday were really difficult moreso because I was now more aware of eating sweeties than before. For instance, if I was offering my husband a piece of toast with jam, usually I would just lick the jam off the knife or spoon without much thought. This time I was more aware and hence choosing not to do it.

Sunday came and I weighed myself....woohoo a whole 900 gms less! I was really pleased with myself. This had been effortless but then this is only 4 days into sugarfree life.
Hmm now for the most interesting part - what had I been planning to eat? Suddenly a whole bunch of things crossed my mind - lemon tart, chocolate, cake, fruit cake, muffins..oh the list went on in my head and I could not think for a moment. Was I beginning to think what I would really really want instead of wanting everything sweet without 'discriminating'? Was I finding that when it came to choosing what I would really want, nothing seemed that desperate? And these were all things I loved!
Hubby and I left for South Melbourne market where we shop for our weekly veggies. It is a little family tradition that we have coffee at th9is special coffee place and share a little pastry - usually a muffin or a Danish. Can u imagine, I bought him the Danish but would not taste it as I wanted my own dessert and had not made up my mind as to what it would be? From there we went to Coles and there was the Ben and Jerrys icecream that caught my eye. I'd never had it but had heard of it. I was tempted but that quickly changed when I saw the $12 price. There was no way I was going to pay that. I did not care how great it was - it just did not make sense - I could not decide what my sweet was going to be. So we then left for the Indian shop where I decided that the mithai (indian sweet) was not really tempting me enough - from there to coles again and then to the Russian bakery where I finally bought a pastry. A yummy concoction of almond paste combined with rum and raisin layered in a lovely bread external layer. It was a lovely huge piece. However, by this time I was so hungry that I was in tears. It seemed as thought the universe was conspiring against my quest for sweets and I did not seem to want to listen. I threw a tanty and bawled my eyes out. My patient husband tried his best for the hundredth time in our marriage to console me and get me to the point where I was sitting on the table with my lovely pastry but like a child I felt my world had ended with this huge big runaround for my quest to find the perfect sweet. I knew I was being completely irrational but then I could not help it.

Bottomline: going sugarfree is not going to be a walk in the park. So this princess will have to suck it up!

Sugar: The smiling sugary assassin

Today, I read an interesting article I had stored away for years. Written by a certain David Gillespie, David wrote that he was a corporate lawyer who researched fructose as he was 40 kgs overweight. Basically he ended up cutting out all products containing sugar and losing 40 kgs and keeping it off. His research identified to him that as a species us human beings are quite ill equipped to deal with the amounts of sugar we all consume. Obviously David has gone on to bigger and better things and now has written a book that can be purchased. I have not read any of his books but what he stated in his article did make a lot of sense to me. I guess particularly as I found that it was applicable to me where the sole issue and root cause of all my problems with weight is directly related to sugar and its forms....chocolate...chocolate and chocolate. Take todays example where I have already consumed 2 bars of chocolate and rice with milk and sugar - yes 2 serves of it - all in a days work! The voice inside me was on autopilot when it said to me that before I give up on sugar lets devour this as a last hurray. Yet how many last hurrays have I had I ask myself as I write this piece? Too many...but this time the goal is to learn and improve. I dont want to see myself writing this blog for the next five years and continue this journey of weightloss. I want to be any one of the blogs I read where the write has gone through her journey and reach or even almost reached the other side.

Anyway, coming back to the topic of the sugar free phase of my life, I am not about to jump into a sugarfree me. I am just acknowledging that I have a problem with sugar and all things sweet. This guy seems to make some sense to me from the limited amount I have read and heard. So one of the things that I have done to know more is order Davids second book on how to quit sugar. I figured that if I have spent moolah on so much diet and fitness, let this be one more thing. I am planning on going back to gym next month and so why not go armed with the right tools rather than just rock up yet again for yet another experiment and become a fit 114 kg woman, yet still obese. I will provide feed back on the book once I have read it. Also, I will go over all his references with a fine tooth comb just to cover all bases that this is not just another gimmicky thing I have given my business to. The book should get to me within the next week and I am using at least this weekend to plan my MO. So all I will say is watch this space!

I fail but try and rise again

I failed miserably in the last challenge - I will try again - This time I will break it down to a daily challenge. Hence it is 1030am and I am here in my little apartment with hubby having gone to work and little baby asleep. The challenge for the day is simply to avoid sugar and drink 2 litres of water for the next 24 hours. Think I can do that? Well I will give it a bloody good shot.
Where did I think I failed? I think I identified that I had to begin all over again and the goal seemed all too much and the ever familiar feeling of having failed seemed more comfortable than succeeding. You see success in the food and exercisepart of my life has not been a familiar feeling and over a period of time it is simply easier to fail and almost come to a predictable end than to change the storyline and wonder now what do I do next? I dont know it this makes sense but having gotten here after 3 weeks indicates how well I did at failing and just not showing up.
Anyway, this blog is not about beating myself up. It is about picking up them familiar pieces again and starting again. So today I will go for a long walk with my little one. I should be able to swing her away for about a 5km walk if I feed her well and proper. I have bought my trackpants and jumper and am all ready to go.

So my update for today is:

 - I weigh 114.2 (gain of 400gms)

The goals for the DAY are:
 - NO SUGAR
 - STAY POSITIVE
 - One 30 min walk a day
 - Drink 2 litres of water
 - Write my food diary today

The next weigh in will be next Monday but before breakfast unlike today where I have had breakfast, a piece of cake....alright 2 pieces of cake, chocolate and a cup of coffee. I will also research sugar addiction as I have zeroed down to this being my addiction in particular which really should make it easy as I only have one demon to beat and not several like a lot of others.