Update: Things are improving

Things are improving at my end. I have not weighed myself yet and maybe it is not a good idea to do so BUT I have officially bought a size 18 which fits me properly instead of 20 or 22. That must mean something. My clothes fit better and I feel better too.

This post is likely to be a collection of random blahs because my thought process today lacks flow and structure. Possibly due to my fitness getting better by miles and miles. The day began with us going for a little walk 3km at the Bunyip forest, baby in a pram and all. It was only a 3 km walk but at least half of it was an upward slope and I was pushing the pram rejecting all offers of assistance by my husband. This was a shock to him as previously I have always raved and ranted and hated going bush walking. I am not a fan of the great Australian wildlife bar the koalas and kangaroos - snakes terrify me and so do all the lizards etc, being unfit does not make it any more attractive and having a buggered ankle is worse. Clearly I am changing in ways I have not ever considered because I enjoyed the little bush walk and insisted on pushing the pram as I felt that I had to add some more degree of difficulty to also make it a mini workout. Result, a little sweat and loads of fun and satisfaction. I might do this again I reckon!

I think through all the moaning and groaning I have been doing about not losing much or anything, one thing that is absolutely remarkable is the status of my fitness these days if I say so myself. I feel really fit even though clearly I have weight to shake off. I have been doing copious amounts of weight and interval training. I am also keeping a closer look at my food. I have discovered quinoa which sort of has replaced my rice, pasta and so on. I am eating loads more fibre, experimenting with a lot more recipes and basically feeling really good. I am still in shock that I am feeling like I just read a book in bed instead of wheeling a pram with a 13 kilo baby and food supplies uphill for at least half of the way. What am I doing?

I exercise my butt off 4 days a week at gym to the point where I am so hammered that I have lactic acid running through my body instead of blood. I crawl home and stagger through cooking, bathing baby and putting her to bed - of course I have immense support from my husband in all these chores. I have also tried to start writing a food diary which has been a hit and a miss but essentially I now report to my trainer and tell him what I am or have eaten, in particular the bad stuff. I am eating loads of salads and even then I am not eating enough vegetable and salad to make 5 serves! That should tell you that I am definitely not going hungry.

The bush walk today gave me a lot of confidence. I think I don't mind the idea of going again and maybe also going for a long bicycle ride with hubby for a few days might be in the pipeline. I feel fit enough to not feel like the class slow-coach. The new strategy starting tomorrow has to be to now get back to monitoring fat too now that sugar is somewhat okay (though not perfect still). Week 1 of my fitness week has come and gone and now to week 2 woohoo.

I look at my self in the mirror and although I can still see changes, the scary thing is that I have such a long long way to go. That really bothers me and bugs me. I know quick fixes are what have buggered my body and so I do not want to do them again - it has to be done the right way - slow and steady - but then will I last that long? sometimes that is an easy yes and sometimes not.

Ah well tonight I am high on myself and so I will enjoy it instead of thinking dark thoughts - best of luck to all for the week ahead - I know I need the luck!

Fail, Fail, Fail......and the saga continues

I almost gave up a few days ago. I did not have a successful sugar free week. I just wanted to crouch under the doona (also known as duvet outside Australia) and never wake up. I seem to be quite addicted to the sugar monster and I do not think that the gradually giving up sugar theory that I prescribed to is working. Indeed even when I decided to give up sugar for a week there was this feeling that at least sugar would be waiting for me after the one week. The burning desire to succeed in not having sugar for at least a week did not burn that brightly after all. Maybe I meant it only in the blog although I can swear in earnest that while I was writing the blog I did mean every bit of it. Maybe I am one of those bloggers that will never lose weight and will always just write about the various things I am trying to do without actually fully doing them. Possibly a lack of commitment? Or is it really the true challenge of losing weight and its associated emotional battle. I will admit a large part of this thing we call will, desire, commitment, strength is all indicative of the power of the mind.

As I was thinking of closing the blog down I got my first ever comment on the paleo loaf recipe I had published in the previous post. With it was the writers blog address (k-lossfitness) for future recipes should I desire to experiment. I went on to her blog and did a bit of reading. Journeys of people that are successful or getting to where they want to be always interest me as I wonder what worked for them and the way their mind worked through all their battles. One comment in this blog stuck with me and rang true. I quote: If you feel you are not getting longer, leaner muscles from doing weights, then you arent lifting heavy enough and you are still eating wrong. I think while my body has changed considerably over the last 6 months, I was initially under the impression that my nutrition was not that bad and that although there was room for improvement it certainly was of the stage where results would still show. Hence, the desire to stop having sugar which was the one element of my nutrition without which my eating would be several notches higher than it currently is. I thought about this comment for a while and considered whether I had been doing enough weights. I knew without a shadow of doubt that I was definitely doing enough weights and heavy weights. I knew that in my case it was about eating wrong. Then I thought about what my trainer does as I still like to take a peek at whatever he is eating. He said to me that Monday-Friday he treats food as fuel, something he has to eat as he needs it. Over the weekend he tastes food and enjoys it. Whilst this philosophy may not work for a lot of us, it works for him and I needed to find my philosophy.

The desire to lose weight is driven from various directions:

• Lose weight to live longer for my lovely daughter and have an active life with her.
• Lose weight for myself to be healthy and happy.
• Banish the myth I grew up with: you can never lose weight as this is in your genes. (I wonder where my genes were when I wasn't obese?). Although I hate admitting it, to an extent it is to prove that you can change your life and body around instead of just giving up and blaming it on genes. 
• Do the active things I have wanted to without the fear of looking ridiculous. For example it hurt the other day when at work drinks a girl was talking about fielding a work netball team. She needed six people and we were seven around the table. She automatically bypassed me and asked the rest if they wanted to join in to form team even though at least three others had never played the sport. While I know for a fact that she did not intend to snub me or judge me, the fact that it happened so naturally and with the assumption that I would/could not be interested was annoying.

The way I saw it, there were two options. Either I give up and forget about this battle, or I don my armour again and set off for the next battle, a little bit wiser and smarter. I compared how I feel now versus how I felt all those months ago when even walking to the station to catch the train to work huffed and puffed me out. The days when I felt as though I would die on my way to catching the train. My husband would look worriedly at me as I must have looked like death trying to make it to the train. I would also snap at him for making me chase the train by not leaving early enough. Those were the days when I needed 15 minutes for the 500metres to get to the train station. Now, although I still don't like it if I have to run to get the train if we leave late, I actually get there and I am not dead or dying.

So, I have decided to rise again. I do not know what my strategy is but I will try again. Whether I like it or not, I will have to cancel sugar in almost all forms. Exercise is going well but I will ensure I continue the commitment to exercise (this is the easy one). One of the obvious things to do is to plan my meals and measure them to ensure the quantities are balanced and who knows keep a food diary. So for the moment, I am back in the running. Lets see what I can do. 120.1.

Sugar Free and Day 1

I have decided that I will try and be sugarfree for 1 week. As prep for this I decided to bake something sweet without sugar and ended up with the Paleo Loaf which I eventually liked :

                                                              
PALEO LOAF
 

 Ingredients:
200g Almond meal
2 tsp baking powder
2 dsp apple puree
4 eggs
chopped walnuts
1 grated carrot
1/2 cup frozen blueberries
Method:
Mix together the almonds, baking powder and apple sauce (you can add another egg or some almond milk if its too thick). Add the carrot, then the blueberries and walnuts (leave some for the top). Pour the mix into a loaf tin then sprinkle with the remaining walnuts. Put in a pre-heated oven a gas mark 4 or 180C for about 40 minutes. Check by putting in skewer if it comes out clean your loaf is good to go : )
Note: I used apple puree which does not have any added sugar. The recipe originally called for apple sauce but all the ones in the super market contained sugar.
 Taste:
It did not taste sweet. Texture is great and I think I focussed on texture because it was not sweet. My understanding is that if I make this 2 weeks later and I am sugar free for the 2 weeks - I will be able to taste the sweetness. So while the first bite was a bit of a shock, I did enjoy it eventually as I could see the potential. My husband loved it and has taken a piece for work. My little 18 month old daughter will learn to love it as she is not allowed sweets and for her, she will be able to actually taste it. If you find you definitely need some sweetness then add some sultanas. I didn't as they are high in sugar.

Although I am not going 100% paleo, I know from past experiments that it does make me feel good in the gut. I think  for the moment, until I really get into the swing of things, I will just do what I did earlier and try not to carb too much after 5pm, be somewhat paleo (a post for another day), and be sugar free with 2 fruit a day allowance.
Reason? Reality check - weighing in at 119.7 as of today. So Ive got to get the arse moving.......