Some progress

I have been lying low for a while now - close to a month now and that is because I have been struggling with motivation and tha ankle has been good and bad from time to time. Although a lot of the swelling has gone down it is still not a normal ankle. I have also been feeling the pressure of close to full time work, the gym, looking after a one year old, not having enough time to spend with hubby and have a chat like we used to pre-baby and feeling like I am failing and so on.

In some ways since the last week things seem to have stabilised. I went to the gym after work 4 times and feel really great, I seem to be eating better than I used to and after ages have been feeling relaxed and chilled out.Gym has become more and more challenging. The fitness trainer I like working with really pushes me and on Tuesdays when I get to the gym, I am usually the only person in the gym and so he really smashes me around. I have still not started to run or anything and wont do so for a while but I have started climbing the stairs as additional cardio in the gym. Last Tuesday, trainer Thom got me to run 12 times up and down the stairs. After two sets of the stairs he was waiting with the boxing gloves and we boxed and I went on for another 2 sets of the stairs - before the stairs there was more cardio I had already done - loads more boxing and cycling and and and...for the first time this century I found that my elbows were slipping on the exercise mat when I was trying to do planks....sweating felt great.

I think mentally I have seen a drastic metamorphosis where when I get home even though my muscles are crying out loud, I am crawling around the floor playing with my little one and when I am in bed I pass out - in other words I sleep really well and have a lot more energy the next day. I love being challenged in the gym aI work really well with Thom as he really pushes me to my limits to the point where if I feel I cannot do something he makes it possible.

However, as a result of all this exercising, I am feeling more hungry and am ending up eating sweet stuff. Now that is something I need to bring under control as I am already running behind on a challenge. I will mention it in another post but basically I am trying to get to gym 5 times a week and also try and eat better and cleaner. The gym bit is doing pretty well and I am making it 4 times a week without a problem - but the food leaves much to be desired. So how about I try again to write a food diary and go no more than 2000 cals a day? I know it sounds like a lot but for someone that is enjoying eating in an unrestricted manner - even this is likely to be a challenge.

Mood for the moment: cheerful, hopeful, enthusiastic

Im on my soapbox: Looking for motivation, inspiration and reading other blogs

So the ankle has been looking worse for wear although it is not feeling that bad. We removed the bandage last night and it looked really gross.

Now thats what I call needlework!

Now I can only hope that the swelling goes down. Apparently the surgeon thought that my ankle reacted to the mesh he had put in during the last operation. Do you think I know whether the mesh has been removed or not? Nope. Will my ankle react to the mesh again? I don't know. The nurse said it would take 3 or 4 days for it all to be fine but it hasn't and I am still sitting at home nursing my ankle. I feel as though I am intruding each time I try and ring them just cause the surgeon is busy and strangely enough his flunkies seem to think that they are also royalty by default! Anyway, I have just left a message for them and lets see if they ring back. To me it looks like it is on the road to recovery but that is because I want it to look that way in a desperate attempt to feel I am fine and go back to the gym and my activities.

MEANWHILE, foodwise I have been nothing short of shocking. I have eaten my way through most of the chocolate and raspberry mousse my friend brought over 3 days ago. In desperation I asked hubby to pack away the remaining one piece and give it to his colleague or it would also find its way into my belly. I have also eaten my way through most of the grapes that come into the house, some chocochip biscuits hubby bought last Monday and frequent serves of bread and jam. For some reason, I seem to give up TOTALLY if I am unfit and unable to exercise instead of controlling what I can control and letting the rest control itself. So I am in no doubt whatsoever that I have gained weight and I also do not want to know how much. I suspect a couple of kilos. Meanwhile I am trying hard to research what modus operandi I want to use to get back on the horse. I am missing gym terribly. I will be trying to get out of the house on Thursday and come next week I will try and get back to the gym. I can only try my best and I don't think I am trying my  best.

There are a lot of blogs I read. Among the ones that succeed the key common theme is consistency. They still make mistakes and get tempted, they still eat out but they are generally pretty consistent 80% of the time and are also people that are active and are people who for instance could never ever run but end up becoming runners, they push their minds boundaries and they end up succeeding and enjoying the newly explored. I have to start thinking in terms of the consistency element and practising it. I will have days where I will eat that piece of chocolate and it is okay as long as it is not a family sized bar of chocolate and is only a piece or two. I have to start thinking of writing that food diary. It is about discipline and repetition. Instead of repeatedly eating more bad food I have to start repeating good things and making them habits. I turn 42 today and I have a time machine which tells me I have 268 days to make sense of this body I have destroyed. It is redeemable and I need to work with it and not against it as this is the very same body that has been carrying so much weight. I need to give it a whole load a lurving instead of the step motherly treatment. This body has to last until my daughter grows up and is settled and experiences all my love and is taught all the lessons of life. This brings me to the goals for the next 7 days.

1. Keeping a food diary
2. Calories to 2200 per day for the first week
3. Drinking between 1.5-2 litres of water per day

So that said, let me put some money on myself feeling sure that I will do the above 3 things. Thats how I am tracking for the moment people. Here's all the best to me. xoxox